The Window Inside
by Biribirichan
Summary: A look at Taichi's life through Kana chan's eyes. Chapter 6 is now up. Enjoy!
1. A closed window

Author's Note: Hi everyone :) This is my first time posting in the Chihayafuru section. I wanted to do a series of drabbles about Taichi and Kana's friendship since I've always found it very touching. Depending on what I want to do with the story, there will probably be about 5-6 chapters. Hope you like it! Comments and reviews are appreciated!

Disclaimer: I don't own Chihayafuru, or the Hyakunin Isshu poems.

…

"Ah there you are, Buchou!" Kana exclaimed. She walked over to the window where Taichi stood motionless. "Chihaya chan is looking for you! She wants a rematch."

Taichi looked at her amused. "Again? I've already played her twice today."

Kana smiled, "Well you know how she doesn't like losing!"

"Hmmm." Taichi turned his attention back to the view outside. It was a gorgeous spring day outside. The sun seemed to be spilling its rays everywhere, and the sakura blossoms near the school gates danced to the breeze. "Can you tell her I'll be back in a little bit? I wanted to rest my mind a little."

"Hai Buchou," Kana murmured as she withdrew from the window. She wanted to ask if anything was wrong, but Taichi didn't leave any room for questions. He almost never did.

As she turned the corner, she looked back at his silhouette, glowing in the afternoon sunshine. A piece of poetry floated in her mind.

"_In the peaceful light  
Of the ever-shining sun  
In the days of spring,  
Why do the cherry's new-blown blooms  
Scatter like restless thoughts?"_

Making her way back to the Karuta clubroom, Kana wondered again what their captain was thinking. She stopped at the door of their club, as was her habit, and peered through the small glass window at the top to check if a card was being read. The sight of a noisy Chihaya greeted her. She sighed as she thought how convenient it would have been if, just like the door she was standing at, people also had windows on their hearts, that showed what was going on inside.

"Don't be ridiculous Kana," she scolded herself. Opening the door, she made a resolution that the next time, instead of all this speculation, she would just ask the captain…

…

Author's note: Hope you enjoyed the story! The poem used is #33 from the Hyakunin Isshu.


	2. Looking in

Author's Note: Here's chapter 2! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Chihayafuru or the Hyakunin Isshu Poems.

…

She saw him again by the same window. Spring was almost over - there was a heaviness in the air that signaled the inevitable coming of summer.

"Buchou, aren't you hot by the window?" Kana asked as stepped beside him.

"Haha, Chihaya would say this is good training for the summer Karuta matches!" Taichi grinned.

Kana couldn't help but smile along. She felt happy that their captain wasn't beating himself up after finding out about Arata's confession to Chihaya.

As Taichi turned back to look out of the window again, Kana all of a sudden felt a pinprick of doubt. What if the happiness their captain exuded was only skin deep?

"Buchou, are you okay?" Kana ventured. She winced as soon as the words were out of the mouth. She _shouldn't_ have asked! How insensitive of her! But she had promised herself the last time that she would ask instead of uselessly wondering…

"I'm better than I thought I would be, actually," came the honest reply.

Kana chan stared. As much as she was surprised by her bluntness, she was more surprised by his honesty. She didn't know what to say.

Finally she spluttered out, "Buchou, we're all here to support you. Or at least, I'm here. The Karuta idiots of our club _still_ have no clue!" Kana suddenly felt indignant! How could they _not_ know? After all this time!

"It's okay. I'm okay," Taichi reiterated. Stretching out his hand towards the sun he continued, "I don't know what's come over me lately. I feel this…" Taichi trailed off, not really knowing how to explain himself. "When I play, I just feel like I won't lose, and I haven't! Not lately, not even with Chihaya."

Kana knew exactly what he was talking about. Chihaya had been complaining non-stop how Taichi was on fire, and how unfair it was that he kept on beating her. "Hai Buchou! You've been playing with great confidence."

"Mmm, I think that's it! I've stopped thinking about luck or fate or karma. I've stopped wondering if Arata would have been a better practice partner for Chihaya. I'm just playing to my heart's content. I'm playing my own Karuta."

"You're thinking about yourself for once, Buchou," Kana thought to herself. Aloud she said, "I hope I can get to read for you when you play your Meijin match, Buchou."

In a clear voice, she recited:

"_At the present time,  
Since I could bring no offering…"_

As a Class C player, the hope to read at his match was all she could offer to their beloved captain at the present time.

"_Here are brocades of red leaves,  
As a tribute to the gods."_

"A tribute to the gods, huh?" Taichi mused. He certainly hoped he could rise to _that_ level by the time Kana became a certified reader.

…

Author's notes: R&amp;R if you liked the story! It keeps me writing :) The poem used was #24.


	3. Window Pain

Author's Note: Sorry it took me time to update this story! School has been really busy! But here is Chapter 3. Warning: Taichi gets bruised a little here, but don't worry I love his character too much to give him a sad ending. Hope you enjoy! Please rate and review if you like it.

P.S – Ravenanne chan, Nyank0 Sensei and Sabishi Tomoe, thank you for reviewing! It encouraged me to keep on writing :) Also Chiaki chan and Kat chan, thanks for all your support for this story on the forums!

Disclaimer: I don't own Chihayafuru or the Hyakunin Isshu Poems.

…

"Buchou! There you are!" exclaimed a breathless Kanade. She hurried over to where their red haired Karuta captain stood, and peered out of the window. "Oh! I didn't realize it was going to rain."

Following her gaze, Taichi replied conversationally, "Yeah, I wasn't expecting it either. The forecast showed sunshine." After a pause, he continued, "Did you need me for something Ooe-san?"

The girl seemed startled. "Welllll – you weren't at the club, and I figured you'd be by your favourite window. So I thought I'd come say hi. Hehehe." Even to Kana's own ears, her laughter sounded fake. "_He's going to see right through me_," she thought. "_I wonder if he knows._"

"Oh I see." Taichi responded, without asking to elaborate further.

Kana studied his impassive face, and decided that Chihaya must not have told their captain yet. After all, one couldn't mask emotions so well. Could they?

"So you're not coming today?" prodded Kana. "Chihaya chan was also wondering –"

She saw the change in Taichi's face the instant she mentioned Chihaya's name. "_Oh no! He knows_!"

"Bu-buchou, did Chihaya…did she…" Kana trailed off, not having the courage to finish the question.

She was rewarded with a cold almost monosyllabic reply. "She did."

Although Kana knew she was treading on dangerous waters, she had to ask – "When?"

"Does it matter?" Taichi whirled around to face the girl for the first time. "Tell me," he asked, his voice laced with anger, "Does it even matter anymore?"

Kana didn't know what to say. She had never seen their captain in such a state, with his mask flung aside and his emotions laid bare for anyone to see. Reacting more out of instinct than anything else, she reached out and patted his shoulder. "I'm sorry Buchou."

This simple gesture seemed to break something in Taichi. Turning towards the window, Taichi sighed and murmured, "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"It's okay Buchou. Sometimes it feels better to let it out rather than bottling it all up inside. I'm here to listen." Kana said.

Taichi didn't reply.

Kana sighed. She looked out of the window and glared at the rain that had started to fall. Why did the weather _have_ to be miserable on top of everything?

Her poetic nature made her feel that the storm outside was a reflection, not only of Taichi's heart, but of their beloved Karuta club as well. True, it was Chihaya's passion that brought them together, but it was their captain's leadership that _truly_ shaped the club. Now with the way things stood, she wondered what would happen to their team.

Kana reflected that things might be different if Taichi learnt to share his sorrows. But then again, did people ever change? If their captain had been more open with his feelings to begin with, possibly none of this would happened. Instead of Arata, Chihaya might have been Taichi's –

"She told me last night." Taichi said suddenly. "She called me to ask what I thought."

Surprised by Taichi's willingness to talk, Kana drew her breath in sharply. "Thought about what?" she prodded.

"What I thought about her saying 'yes' to Arata's confession."

"_No! Chihaya chan! How can you ask Buchou that!" _Kana fumed inside. Really! That girl was too dense for anybody's good!

As gentle as she could be, Kana asked, "What did you say?"

"Ooe-san, what _could_ I say? I just told her it didn't matter what I thought, and if she loved Arata she should say yes. And that…" Taichi's voice was just a whisper at this point. "I would support her, no matter what!"

"Buchou – you should have told her! You've been with her since elementary school. If you can't be honest with the person you love, who can you be honest with?"

"It's not that simple!" thundered Taichi. "You think I haven't tried? But her eyes, her mind were on Arata. Always on Arata."

"But her strength, her support has always been you Buchou! You were the hand that steadied her, you –"

Kana stopped seeing the tears that threatened to spill from Taichi's eyes. Her heart wrenched at the sight.

_Color of the flower  
Has already faded away,  
While in idle thoughts  
My life passes vainly by,  
As I watch the long rains fall._

"_Please don't fade away, Buchou_!" Kana thought silently.

Rubbing his eyes Taichi said, "Damn rain, getting through the window."

Looking at the window, Kana didn't have the heart to tell Taichi that it was firmly closed.

…

Author's notes: And that's the end of chapter 3! Hope you liked it, despite it being sad. The poem used was # 9. Please rate and review if you liked the story! It makes me happier than Chihaya with a new daddy bear accessory. Till next time ~


	4. Spring through my Window

Author's Note: Have you guys been reading the manga? Sniff sniff – Taichi hasn't really gotten a break from Suegetsu san! Anyways, despite how dark the actual story is right now for Taichi, I do believe he will have a happy ending. He's such an amazing character. So without further ado, here's chapter 4 of my story, dedicated to Taichi's inner strength! Hope you enjoy! Please rate and review if you like it.

Also, to everyone who has rated and reviewed this story (especially ravenanne, ginny, sabishi tomoe, nyank0) – Thank you so much! You have no idea how much encouragement it gives me!

Disclaimer - I do not own Chihayafuru or the Hyakunin Isshu poems.

…

"Are you hiding from the world again?"

Startled, Taichi whirled around to face the owner of the voice. "Oh, Ooe-san! You surprised me. I thought everybody had left."

"They are about to. I came to get you. Chihaya-chan wants all of us to go eat ice cream together, as a celebration for you coming back to the club." Kana smiled.

"Eh? Ice cream? At _this_ time of year? That girl!" Taichi gave a half smile.

Kana felt a small tug in her heart. Seeing him play so well against Chihaya today had made her wonder if he had moved on. His smile told a different story. "Well, we did remind her that it's cold outside. But you know how Chihaya-chan is, right? Once she gets an idea in her head she won't rest!"

"Mm… I do know how she is." Taichi replied in low voice.

Kana bit her lip. "_Idiot! What a thoughtless remark to make!" _she mentally slapped herself. "_I'm just going to be quiet from now on."_

Taichi stretched out his hands and yawned. "Shall we get going? Although, I still don't understand why she's making such a fuss over me. Everyone else was busy studying for the entrance exams as well! It's not like anybody particularly missed me."

"Buchou!" Kana exclaimed, her previous resolve to be quiet all forgotten, "Chihaya-chan missed you a lot! We all did! Don't you realize how – how important you are to us? To the club?"

"I –" Taichi began.

"And while everyone thought you were busy studying, Sumire and I knew! We knew why you weren't coming! And we were so scared that you would quit Karuta, and, and –" Kana suddenly felt so angry that she didn't know how to continue. She had thought they were friends! But for three months after Chihaya and Arata started dating, she hardly ever saw him, let alone have a proper conversation with him.

"You know, friends rely on each other through tough times. Didn't I say I'd have your back? It's been so hard to convince Chihaya-chan that you –"

"Ooe-san, I'm really sorry," Taichi cut in, bowing his head slightly. "But I haven't had the easiest time either."

Kana felt herself deflate. Of course! Out of everyone involved, Taichi was probably the one who had suffered the most. Lowering her head she murmured, "I'm sorry too. I was just angry that you didn't trust us enough to share your sorrows."

"I _do_ trust you – Kana chan."

Startled, Kana looked up! This was the first she had heard their captain call her that. The meaning was not lost on her. In his own way, Taichi was trying to assure her that they _were_ friends. She tried to keep her face impassive, but seeing him smile, her face also split into a grin.

"Fine, I'll forgive you _this_ time."

Taichi laughed. "This is the first time I've seen you angry over something that's not kimono or poetry related."

"Well – even I have my limits!" Kana huffed.

"Hahaha! I guess you do!"

Kana turned away to look at the scenery outside. It was almost February, but the nip of winter was still in the air. Turning to Taichi she said, "You know I've sort of missed this window. I did come up to check if you were here a couple of times, but since you were never here, I didn't stay for long."

"Mmm," Taichi murmured, but didn't add anything else.

"What have you been upto these last months?" Kana quizzed, determined to make him talk.

"Mostly studying for the entrance exam. But, I did keep up my karuta practice! My cram school is near Toudai, so I went and played with Suo-san whenever I got a chance," Taichi explained.

"Wow, so you did keep up with Karuta!" Kana exclaimed.

Misunderstanding her Taichi asked angrily, "Why, do I seem like that much of a coward that I would abandon Karuta the minute Chihaya started dating Arata?"

"Buchou – you know that's not what I meant. I was amazed that you kept up your studies as well as your karuta practice despite all that has happened. I wouldn't have had the strength to do the same in your shoes."

"Oh!" Taichi seemed at a loss to know what to say.

"Buchou? What made you come back?" Kana asked suddenly.

Taichi let out a soft sigh, but didn't immediately answer. "I was tired of running away, I guess."

"Oh." Kana felt somewhat disappointed. She had wanted a more elaborate answer – an answer that would give her some clue as to where his feelings stood at the present time. Unable to contain herself, she asked –"Just that?"

Taichi blinked. For some reason, the question seemed to embarrass him.

"Buchou?"

Taichi waved his hands. "Never mind my reasons. Shouldn't we go back to the club room for ice cream?" He started walking away from the window. However, after a few steps, he turned and faced Kana again.

"Fine! I guess you of all people deserve to know. From time to time, I've visited the clubroom really early in the morning, before anybody was there. But one day, you had come in earlier than me. And I heard you practising the opening poem."

Kana chan cast her mind back. "Oh! I know which day! I was trying to –"The brunette shook her head. "Never mind what I was trying to do. You were saying?"

Taichi continued, "When I heard you recite the opening poem, I realized how much I wanted to play with all you guys, how much I wanted to be back. But I didn't know how to."

Taichi paused and took a deep breath. "And then I heard you repeat, ima wa haru be to, sakuya kono hana. And suddenly I knew. I knew that my winter too would pass someday. That's why I came back!" Taichi smiled. "Come on now, let's get that ice cream."

As she saw their captain walk away, Kana felt a tear run down her cheeks. She had always known the power of the Hyakunin Isshu to move people. But for the first time, she felt the beauty and depth behind the five lines that served as a gateway to those powerful 100 poems.

…

As the club walked to the ice cream shop, Sumire came up beside Kana and asked "Why the long-face, senpai?"

Kana glanced over to a laughing Chihaya, who had just thrown a snowball at Taichi's face. "I was just thinking that the winter season isn't over yet."

"What are you talking about, senpai? There might still be some snow here and there, but look –" She pointed to a tree nearby, where small flower buds were poking their heads out. "The plum blossoms have already started to appear."

Kana couldn't help but smile.

"_Ima wo haru be to_

_Sakuya kono hana"_

…

And that's it for chapter 4! Hope you guys enjoyed it! The opening poem is one of my favorites, and I thought it fit well with Taichi's story. I hope in the real manga, his winter will soon be over as well! Please leave a review if you liked it! Thank you for all your support.

The full poem and the translation is given below.

"_Naniwa-zu ni/Sakuya Kono Hana/Fuyu-gomori/Ima wo haru-be to/Sakuya kono hana"_

"_Naniwa Bay/ Now the flower blooms/but for winter/Here come's spring/Now the flower blooms."  
_


	5. Tangled Reflections

Author's Note: Hi everyone! Thanks for supporting this story even though I haven't updated in a long time. Special thanks to CalamityKat and Sabishi Tomo for the beautiful reviews on the last chapters.

I apologize for not updating for a while. Work and school have been overwhelming! I've been itching to write this chapter for a while now, and today I couldn't help but update *tosses homework aside* Well without further ado – here is chapter 5!

Disclaimer - I do not own Chihayafuru or the Hyakunin Isshu poems.

…

"One large coffee, the medium roast, please."

The waitress smiled and asked, "Anything else, sir?"

"Kana-chan, do you want coffee?" Taichi inquired looking at the petite girl beside him.

Kana giggled. "Haha, I'm fine. I wasn't the one who was –" She couldn't continue and dissolved into peals of laughter.

"I can't believe you're still laughing at me," Taichi grumbled as he took his wallet out to pay. "It wasn't _that _funny!"

"You had drool coming out of your face, Buchou! And the professor's expression when he saw his favorite student sleeping in class. Hahaha!"

"Ha – ha – ha," replied Taichi mirthlessly.

"Aw, come on Buchou! Look! Your favourite seat just opened up. Let's go grab it."

Kana expertly maneuvered her way to the corner table beside the window. They were at a café, right next to their university, and as such the place was always swarming with students grabbing coffee and snacks in between classes.

Kana sat down happily and looked out of the window. Although she teased Taichi that this spot was his favourite, secretly she loved it no less. You could see the majestic sakura trees forming a pathway to the bell tower of Tokyo University. _Tokyo University!_ She sometimes couldn't believe her good fortune! To be studying classical literature at the best university in Japan was a dream come true in of itself. She had never imagined that she'd be sharing the experience with all her best friends from high school. Taichi, Chihaya, Desktomu, Nikuman - they were all here! And Arata. How did she forget about _him_? Arata was here too. Arata – Taichi and Chihaya's childhood friend. _And _Chihaya's boyfriend.

She looked over at Taichi, who was rapidly gulping down his coffee. It had already been seven months since they had started college. She wondered how –

"Is there something on my face?" Taichi interrupted her thoughts.

"No, why?" Kana asked, raising her eyebrow.

"You were just staring straight ahead, that's why. Guess I'm not the only one spaced out!" Taichi tried to regain some of his dignity.

"I might be spaced out, but I wasn't the one sleeping in class! _And_ drooling!" Suppressing her urge to giggle, she asked, "How come you were so tired Ta –Buchou?"

Kana bit her lips. This was the second time today that she had almost called Taichi by his first name! She didn't know why. Taichi would always be Buchou. Ah! Maybe it's because she had started calling him Taichi in her mind. Ok let's try again, she thought.

"Buchou?" There! _That_ was better! "How come you were so tired?"

Taichi smiled. "Concerned for me, are you? Maybe I won't tell you since you spent the better part of the morning laughing at me."

Kana loved seeing that smile. It wasn't until about a month ago that Tai – Buchou finally started to be more like his normal self, Kana thought. How he used to be before Chihaya and Arata got together.

"I was just giving you the chance to redeem yourself Buchou!"

Taichi laughed, "I have an organic chemistry test tomorrow. Pre-med is actually a lot tougher than I thought."

"Oh!" Kana felt her good mood diminish ever so slightly. "We can cancel our practice today if you need time to study. It's no big deal."

"Kana chan, it's okay. This tournament will be important for you, so it's good to get as much practice as possible! Besides –"

"TAIIIICHIIIII! KANA-CHAN!" Chihaya came bouncing up to their table. "Haha, Taichiii. I ran into Nikuman-kun and he said you fell asleep in class! Taichi Mashima fell asleep in CLASS!" Chihaya gloated.

"Wow, I'm going to kill him that yaro the next time I see him! It's all your fault anyways, if you had just hung up the phone like I asked you last night instead of pestering me!"

"Ehh Taichi. We talked for 2 minutes only!" Chihaya pulled an innocent face

"2? It was more like 15!"

"You were up late for your test anyways! 15 minutes wouldn't hurt!" Chihaya stuck out her tongue.

Kana silently watched this banter. How does he do it? she wondered. How could anyone hide their love so well?

"_Bamboo growing_

_Among the tangled reeds_

_Like my hidden love"_

Her heart ached. She couldn't watch it. Why couldn't Chihaya just let him move on?

"_It's too much to bear_

_That I still love her so."_

"You okay, Kana-chan?" Taichi's eyes were on her.

"Mm, I am." Kana was quick to recover. "I was just thinking that we should cancel practice tonight. A-class seems so far away, anyways!" she added truthfully.

"Baka! You're almost there. Just bring me over some cake and coffee, and we'll be even!" Glancing at his wristwatch, Taichi exclaimed, "Shoot! I gotta run!"

"Wait! Taichi! You're practicing with Kana-chan? I asked you so many times last week to play karuta with me and you refused! Meanie!"

"Don't you want Kana-chan to become a certified reader for your Queen match? I know I want her for mine! So I'm helping her get to A-class as quickly as possible. She gets special privileges even during midterms." Taichi grinned.

Chihaya pouted, "Fine. FINE! But you better promise to play with me after your _beastly _tests are done."

"Hai hai. I promise to play with both you and Arata once I'm done." Grabbing his backpack, Taichi turned to leave. Stopping beside Kana, he said, "See you tonight! Don't forget my coffee and cake!"

Kana felt a surge of happiness. Maybe A class wasn't so far away! She did gain a lot of confidence from these practice matches. "Thank you Tai – " She should just stop fighting it, "– chi."

Taichi stared for a moment. Then his face split into a smile. "Finally! Took you long enough."

…

As Kana looked at Taichi's retreating back through the window, she wondered what cake she should take for practice. Chocolate? Or something healthier?

A groan from Chihaya made her look back at her friend. "What's wrong Chihaya-chan?"

"Taichi never spends time with me anymore. He's grown incredibly mean! Wah!"

"Chihaya-chan, didn't you two do your math homework together the day before yesterday?"

"Sure, but he was incredibly mean then too. 'Chihaya sit up straight' 'No we can't have a break' "You're doing this wrong baka!' " Chihaya did her best Taichi impersonation. Suddenly she sighed. "I miss him, Kana-chan. I miss just being able to talk to him or practice karuta with him or taking the train together. I – he's different with me."

Kana suddenly felt a chill in her heart. What was Chihaya-chan saying? Did she – ? But she was dating Arata, so it couldn't be!

"You have Arata now, don't you?" she blurted. "So why – "

"Yes, I have Arata, but Taichi is still my best friend. I wish we could meet and hang out more often. That's all. Hey, I think I'm going to return to the dorm rooms now, you wanna come?" The conversation was over as abruptly as it had begun.

"No, I'll stay here a little while longer."

"Ok." Chihaya hugged her friend. "See you later then."

As Chihaya walked away, Kana wondered why Chihaya didn't realize it could never be the same again. As long as Arata was there, they could never be the same.

_"We can never meet again_

_And even a rendezvous_

_As short as the reeds_

_Of Naniwa marshes is too much –_

_Is that what you mean?"_

She also wondered at the sadness that was gnawing at her heart. Yes, she wondered indeed…

…

Author's note – Ah! The plot thickens! Hope you enjoyed Chapter 5! It was a little hard writing this chapter, as I wanted to keep everyone in character but also make them seem a little older as they are now in college. What did you think? Let me know in the reviews. Once again, thanks for all the support!

The poems that were used were #19 and #39. Both about reeds!

P.S - Somehow this website was giving me trouble regarding the formatting. Couldn't separate the text from the poem for some reason. Sorry about that!


	6. Invisible lines of my window pane

Author's Note: I cannot believe it's been an entire year since I've updated this story. Work and school had completely taken over my life. And now, when I'm free to write, the manga has gone in a completely different direction than what I had envisioned when I initially started my story, hehe! For example, I've been writing Chihaya as an oblivious airhead for most of this story, but she's had such a wonderful growth in the manga that I feel it would be a crime not to incorporate her development! Anyways, I shouldn't be complaining - the latest chapters in the manga have been absolutely beautiful :)

I would like to thank all the readers that have stuck with me so far. Please bear with me with these new chapters, as I get the feeling I'll be a little rusty after not writing for so long! I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer - I do not own Chihayafuru or the Hyakunin Isshu poems.

…

"Kana chan?"

"Hm?"

"Did you hear what I said? Memorization time is over. Let's start."

Kana sighed. "Hai, let's start."

She breathed in, trying to focus on the sea of green and white ahead of her. "Come on Kanade," she urged herself, "Concentrate!"

The opening song came on, and she tried to let the poem wash over senses.

"_Nani wa zuni sakuya kono hana fuyogomori"_ How many tournaments had it been again? 5? 6?

"_Ima wa harubeto sakuya kono hana…"_ Progressing to Class A seemed like an impossible hurdle.

"Kana chan, I'm not gonna go easy on you just because you're hurting right now. I'm giving it my all."

"_Ima wa harubeto sakuya kono hana. Kimi ga tame…"_ Taichi's arm shot out forward to take the card from her right side formation.

Kana bowed her head. "Gomen Taichi," she said in a small voice, "I don't think I can play. I feel like I'm disrespecting the cards. I'm not even paying attention to the poem's meanings."

"Then pay attention." Taichi smiled and crouched down again. "Here I go."

"_Tsuki mireba…"_

…

Touching her forehead to the window glass, Kana let out a breath of relief. Even though summer was almost over, it was still stiflingly hot inside the Toudai karuta clubroom, and the coolness of the window pane felt wonderful.

"I'm gonna go get some drink from the vending machine. You want your usual?"

Turning around, she smiled. "Yes, please."

"Finally! If I had known that a mere cola could make you smile, I'd have bought it sooner." Taichi exclaimed. "I'll be back."

As she watched Taichi go out through the clubroom, she felt a rush of gratitude. She had long stopped calling him "Buchou", but in some ways, he still felt like the captain of the Misuzawa team. The backbone that held everyone together and gently encouraged them towards their respective dreams.

She heard the Tower bell ring for one o' clock and turned towards the window again. She was greeted with the sight of students packing up their lunch hastily or stuffing their mouths with whatever was left in their lunch box. She smiled. Just a few months ago, this scenery had seemed so new, so foreign. And, while the seasons brought about their changes, the view from their club window had long become familiar to Kana. How did people adapt so fast? How did -

"Ooh Taichi, that's cold!"

Taichi laughed, removing the can from Kana's cheek. "Well, I came and saw you trying to suck all the coolness out of the windows and thought you needed it."

"Mou! Don't tease me about my only un-ladylike habit!"

"Kana chan, you couldn't be un-ladylike even if you tried."

Feeling a warmth spread over her cheeks, Kana looked away. "Thanks for the drink. And for pushing me to play today. I feel like I'm somewhat over my slump."

"You're welcome. You remember how long it took me to become Class-A right?"

"Mm."

"I felt like giving up completely at one point. I couldn't see a way forward, you know. But Chihaya and Harada sensei kept on pushing me, playing with me with all their might. At first, it had seemed cruel, but I later realized that if they had gone easy on me, I would have quit. If they hadn't played with their full strength, it would have seemed like they were giving up on me."

Kana looked over at Taichi's profile, trying to read the expression on his face. Ever since Chihaya had started dating Arata, Taichi usually didn't reminisce about their past together. She wondered what had caused him to bring it up today.

Feeling Kana's silence, Taichi turned to face her. "Are you still down? Listen, just like Chihaya and Harada sensei didn't give up on me, I won't give up until you become a certified reader. In any case, you promised to read for me during my Meijin match right?" Taichi smiled.

Kana felt a lump in her throat. "Arigatou Taichi, that means a lo – "

"Ring, ring, ring, ring."

"Sorry, Kana chan. I thought I had put it to silent."

"It's ok, you can answer it. That's the ringtone for Chihaya isn't it?"

"Yeah, but you were sayin – "

"Taichi, it's okay, please pick it up."

Sighing softly, Taichi answered, "Chihaya?"

Kana wondered why Chihaya was calling. Usually she was in class at this time. She checked the clock on the far end of the room to confirm.

A sharp intake of breath from Taichi made her look back at him. "When was this?" he asked.

Kana raised her eyebrows questioningly. Taichi motioned for her to wait. "Where are you? Ok, just stay put. I'll come to you right now, ok? I'm hanging up."

"Did something happen to Chihaya chan?" Kana asked, her voice raised in concern.

"She was crying, so I couldn't understand her fully – but I think she and Arata may have broken up."

"What! _Why_?" She was shocked. Although Chihaya had confided to her that she and Arata were going through a rough patch, she had never expected them to _actually_ break up.

"I'm not fully sure." Kana watched as Taichi gathered his things. "Listen, can we do a rain-check for the rest of our practice? Chihaya seems really cut up. I – I should go to her."

Kana looked at Taichi with his backpack ready to go.

"Of course."

And before she could say anything else, he was gone.

…

Through the club window, Kana watched as Taichi rushed towards the dorms.

"_Hito wa isa  
Kokoro mo shirazu"_

Why were the poems always right? It was true – the depths of human hearts were too hard to decipher. She had been by Taichi's side for so long, but what did she really know of his feelings? Nothing!

She shook her head, restless. There was no point in thinking like this. She breathed in and out, letting the solitude of the clubroom soothe her troubled mind.

Change was inevitable, she thought to herself. She noted the hints of red in the leaves, signaling the coming of autumn. If these majestic trees couldn't resist change from the passage of time, how could people? Kana mused.

She thought of all the ways their lives had changed after coming to college. Taichi seemed happier and more at peace with himself. Nishida had drastically changed his eating habits after his mom had been diagnosed with diabetes. He was much slimmer and healthier – so much so that the Nikuman nickname had been entirely dropped. In some ways, Komano hadn't changed outwardly, but he projected a quiet confidence as of late, and stood up taller. Even Chihaya, who had been oblivious to everything but her karuta dreams, had slowly but gradually become more perceptive. Kana remembered how even a few months ago, Chihaya had stubbornly refused to acknowledge that the dynamic between her and Taichi had changed, and that an invisible line had been drawn the moment she had started dating Arata. Lately though, she had seemed more aware, more conscious of the fine balance that she had to maintain between her two precious childhood friends.

Kana suddenly felt a foreboding in her heart. Now that Chihaya and Arata were no longer together, what became of that balance? Did the boundaries just simply disappear? She supposed she should be happy for Taichi because deep down, she knew, he must still love Chihaya. They really did belong together, the sun and moon of their karuta club. In fact, ever since high school, hadn't she always hoped that one day Chihaya would return Taichi's affections?

"_Yo no naka wa  
Tsune ni mo ga mo na"_

If only the world had stayed the same. If only…

Kana sighed and turned away from the window. Change was inevitable. She had to accept it. She looked at the clock. Startled that it was almost time for her next class, she started tidying up.

As she was putting away the cards, she thought about the one question she had avoided thinking until now. She knew that like the rest of her friends, she too had changed. But the question was _how_? How had she changed? She was certainly happier and more confident of herself. The classical literature curriculum at Toudai was very rewarding, and despite bumps in the road, she was progressing towards her goal of becoming a certified reader.

But was that all?

As she picked up her bag, she realized one of the cards hadn't been put away. Picking it up, she briefly glanced to see which one it was.

As she read it, she felt that same foreboding in her heart. She had always confidently believed in the power or poetry. But she felt a pinprick of doubt. They _couldn't_ always be right, could they? Was it _even possible_ to accurately capture the complex emotions she felt in five lines? Putting the card away, she headed towards her next class, resolved to not think of it for the time being.

But it wouldn't do. The five lines kept on resonating within herself. Over and over again. Perhaps the complexity was in the situation, and not in her emotions. Maybe it was finally time to acknowledge the change in herself that she had been vehemently denying. That she simply fallen –

Her heart wavered as she remembered his retreating back, rushing towards Chihaya. How could she acknowledge her emotion, when she knew there'd be nothing in return? She willed herself to be stronger, to think of a different poem. But the words that kept on resounded in heart couldn't simply be willed away.

"_Tsukuba ne no  
Mine yori otsuru  
Minano-gawa"_

Change was inevitable. She had to accept it.

"_Koi zo tsumorite  
Fuchi to nari nuru"_

Walking quietly under the trees that autumn had started to set aflame, she accepted it.

"_So my love has grown to be  
Like the river's quiet deeps."_

…

Author's note – Don't kill me for throwing such a wrench in the plot line! I know in the manga, Kana and Komano have started falling for each other, but I've always wanted to explore her feelings/relationship to Taichi. Sorry, if the writing came out choppy. Not only am I rusty, but Suetsugu portrays her characters so beautifully, that it's hard writing something non-canon. Reviews will be really appreciated, so I can improve on my work. Thank you!

Poems used during Taichi and Kana's play:

# 15:

Japanese: Kimi ga tame/Haru no no ni idete/Wakana tsumu/Waga koromode ni/Yuki wa furi tsutsu

English: It is for your sake/That I walk the fields in spring/Gathering green herbs/While my garment's hanging sleeves/Are speckled with falling snow.

# 23:

Japanese: Tsuki mireba/Chiji ni mono koso/Kanashi kere/Waga mi hitotsu no/Aki ni wa aranedo

English: As I view the moon/Many things come into my mind/And my thoughts are sad/Yet it's not for me alone/That the autumn time has come.

Poems used in the rest of the story:

# 13:

Japanese: Tsukuba ne no/Mine yori otsuru/Minano-gawa/Koi zo tsumorite/Fuchi to nari nuru

English: From Tsukuba's peak/Falling waters have become/Mina's still, full flow/So my love has grown to be/Like the river's quiet deeps.

# 35:

Japanese: Hito wa isa/Kokoro mo shirazu/Furusato wa/Hana zo mukashi no/Ka ni nioi keruEnglish: The depths of the hearts/Of humankind cannot be known/But in my birthplace/The plum blossoms smell the same/As in the years gone by.

# 93:

Japanese: Yo no naka wa/Tsune ni mo ga mo na/Nagisa kogu/Ama no obune no/Tsuna de kanashi mo

English: If only our world/Could be always as it is/How moving the sight/Of the little fishing boat/  
Drawn by ropes along the bank.


End file.
